bulimia is in order... or anorexia?!?!

well, has not lost any weight during the past three weeks. i'm pissed off... extremely... i find myself unhappy, and often times moody. i'm on a temper roller coaster! woohoo~~~~

i started baking again to divert my attention and to make myself feel better. the downside is that i ate some of the stuff i baked. at least seven oatmeal raisin cookies and a big ass chunk of rice crispy treat. DAMN ME!!!

lately, i've been having a lot of doubt toward myself... i want to be happy again. but lately, that seems to be the hardest thing and the farthest goal to reach.

我有肥膏！！！

sad to announce... i've gained weight. TONS OF IT TOO!!! when i lost twenty pounds in 2006, i was happy... prancing around and proud to wear tank tops and shorts. but now, i wear dolly dresses just so i can cover up rolls and rolls of fat on my belly.

my 肥膏 didn't come from no where. i ate and ate and did not exercise as often as i did back in '06. i've also bagged myself a boyfriend... and when i cook, i cook a cauldron of stuff; oxtail soup, red wine beef stew, curry, anzuki soup.... two giant rib eye steak for two, butter whipped mashed potatoes, grilled head of salmon.... friggin' a.

so what am i gonna do? i hate exercising... so i guess i'll have to decrease my portion intake. AND LOWER ZEE CARB!!! so far... i've lost three pounds over two weeks. proud? not sure yet but will definitely keep it going and if i feel like it, i may throw in a few work out sessions~